Make sure you have agreements established in your relationships or there will probably be suffering to one degree or another. Compromise will not work. Compromise is sacrifice, which is useful when something is not as important to us. However, when we compromise somethings that is part of our requirements of who we are and what we have deemed as a non-negotiable, then sacrifice only leads to resentment. I am living proof that that is the case, and, I have coached countless people where they agreed on something in the relationship knowing full well that they were not aligned with it. In my case it was a case where I did not agree on a certain lifestyle that my partner wanted. I disagreed and chose to continue on in the relationship unhappy and always on guard. That was my choice. I am the one responsible. I did not have to continue on in the relationship. As a result, I suffered during the relationship and grieved even more after the breakup because I had to grieve the relationship, and the loss of my partner, but also the dishonoring and lack of respect with myself. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought things would change and she would adopt my point of view and we would come to an agreement. This did not happen, and, rarely happens in relationships. We cannot change people. God knows it’s a challenge just to change ourselves. So here’s my wisdom for the day if you want to have a healthier fulfilling relationship. Accept your partner for who they are and who they are not from the beginning. That way there is nothing to change. What’s left is your own transformation and agreements that are honored because you are both honoring the relationship and respecting yourself and your lover.
Gratitude,
Rusty
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