One of my team members said to me a couple of months ago, “the worst thing you can do to another human being communication wise, is to withhold something from them.” My experience is the same. People deserve to know what’s going on. We are not mind readers. Be in communication. Most people make up a story when there is incomplete information, and unfortunately it is usually not a very pretty story. Withholding will kill a relationship. It’s like hording, or throwing stuff into a closet until it all falls out on top of you when you open the door. How can one possibly be present with another human being if they have all this stuff unexpressed from the past? When I look back at my past relationships, many of them ended because I withheld something from them for fear of their response. I used to walk on eggshells in my relationships. Well I’m here to tell you that it just does not work. If you fear losing someone by speaking your truth, you’re going to lose them anyway. Speaking your truth is keeping the relationship clean and present. It is selfish and arrogant to withhold. It becomes about the person withholding. Here’s a little wisdom from a powerful quote in the Magdalen Manuscript, “I know in my heart that those little things, those little annoyances, those little nigglings, the little truths, when not shared between people in Sacred Relationship[ build brick walls, over which there is eventually no assault. When you do not share your truth, one morning you wake up and find yourself living with a stranger, a roommate. Always stay in truth. It’s going to get hot. Don’t give up. Buy a clutch pedal cover and put it on your altar. Hold hands and walk across the burning coals. And I promise you—you will think you are going to die. And you won’t” (Kenyon & Sion, 2002).
Relationships and Witholding
About Rusty StewartMy name is Rusty Stewart, Ph.D. and I am the founder of Personal Growth Alternatives LLC, a holistic healing center and reiki school located in Abington, PA.
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