Whatever your chosen lifestyle in relationships, all of them need agreements. I’m not talking about assumed or expected agreements based on what you want to interpret and do as an individual. I’m suggesting sitting down and getting into a deep and intimate dialogue about \what works and what doesn’t work. It is crucial that these agreements are promised as our word. Polyamorous relationships are well known for creating agreements around having different partners, when, where, together, separate, couples, etc. Lesbian, gay, transgendered, BDSM, and bi-sexual partners need agreements too! Some of the more kinky lifestyles like BDSM use safe words to let their partner know to stop whatever they are engaging in. Interestingly enough, as a relationship coach and counselor for the last 13 years, I have experienced that the more traditional monogomous heterosexual relationships have the least agreements. And as they say, out of sight, out of mind. Marriage too often is entered into without much thought given to agreements, communication, committment, personal growth, or proactive relationship coaching. Marriage is a binding contract. Most businesses that enter binding contracts dig deeply and scrutize what they are responsible for. It would bode well for people that want to get married do the same things too! Get clear on your agreements, wants, requirements, and needs. This is just as equally important to get clear on in all relationships regardless of the lifestyle. The main reason that some of the people in other lifestyles are more well known for agreements is because more than 2 people are involved and that complicates matters. Certainly gay, lesbian, bisexual, BDSM, and transgendered relationships can be monogomous too. And, they have more people practicing polyamory than the traditional monogomous lifestyles. Anyway, regardless of what lifestyle resonates with you, make sure you sit down and write out agreements. You’ll be surprised what may show up from the unsaid. All the best!
Gratitude,
Rusty
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